It’s almost beautiful

the way exhaustion sinks

into my body,

this yielding after years

you saw me depriving myself,

saw how little sleep or food

I allowed myself

It’s almost blissful

lying on this worn couch

alone

even my dogs have moved on

maybe you think I did this

out of vengeance

maybe you do not

think of me at all

and the day feels like night

and the sun hurts

and as I drift, I hear children

pass, pearls of laughter,

and I think of the two of us--

children, the school bus

you my older brother,

my biggest advocate

and I, too young

to hate myself    yet

It’s almost heaven sent,

listening. No more pain,

this present my memories

the years we thought

would never end

backyard games of soccer

or mini golf

we rested on the patio

we ate ice cream sandwiches

we imagined our futures